Media Links
• website: delvepsych.com
• instagram: @delvepsychchicago
• youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20
• substack:
Participants
Hosts:
• Ali McGarel
• Adam Fominaya
Overview of Big Ideas
• Anger carries a cultural stigma—especially for women—and is often misread as inherently destructive rather than informative.
• Gendered socialization profoundly shapes how anger is expressed, suppressed, or rewarded.
• Anger frequently masks deeper emotions, but it can also be a primary, clarifying signal about boundaries and injustice.
• Healthy engagement with anger involves intention rather than reactivity, allowing emotion without surrendering to destructive behavior.
• Anger can be transformative: mobilizing social change, strengthening relationships, and helping clients reclaim agency.
• Therapy benefits from bringing live emotion into the room—working with anger directly rather than abstractly.
Breakdown of Segments
• How We Learn Anger
Ali and Adam explore how Western norms teach women to soften or hide anger, while men are pushed to redirect vulnerable emotions into aggression. The conversation moves through examples from sports, childhood messaging, and cultural expectations.
• Anger as Messenger
They discuss anger as a boundary signal and its role in motivating social change. Anger doesn’t always conceal a “deeper” feeling—sometimes it is the primary, meaningful emotion.
• Gender, Culture, and Emotional Permission
Adam outlines how emotion expression is policed differently in workplaces, relationships, and friend groups. Ali reflects on internal vs. external pressures to appear “not too much,” especially for women.
• Anger Work in Therapy
The hosts compare approaches:
– Helping clients identify emotions beneath over-reliance on anger
– Helping others find anger when they over-internalize
– Using emotional experience in session (even conflict) as therapeutic material
– Distinguishing anger (emotion) from aggression (behavior)
– Teaching clients to respond rather than react
• Healthy Expression
Skills include: intentional timing, self-focused language, boundary setting, and aligning behavior with goals and values. They draw parallels with relational patterns, breakups, and the role of clarity of purpose.
• Social Change & Systemic Anger
They reflect on anger’s historical function in collective action and protest, and the importance of discerning when forceful boundary-setting becomes necessary.
• Final Reflection: Language, Cultural Norms, and “Dreams Don’t Got Timelines”
Adam riffs on linguistic elitism and language evolution, leading into a closing reflection on releasing rigid timelines for life goals and allowing oneself to pursue dreams without expiration dates.
AI Recommended References
Barrett, L. F. (2017). How emotions are made: The secret life of the brain. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
Ellis, A., & Dryden, W. (1997). The practice of rational emotive behavior therapy (2nd ed.). Springer.
Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man’s search for meaning. Beacon Press. (Original work published 1959)
Greenberg, L. S. (2015). Emotion-focused therapy: Coaching clients to work through their feelings (2nd ed.). American Psychological Association.
Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Tavris, C. (1989). Anger: The misunderstood emotion. Simon & Schuster.
