Media Links
Website: delvepsych.com
Instagram: @delvepsychchicago
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20
Substack:
Participants
Hosts
Ali McGarel – Staff Therapist, Delve Psychotherapy of Chicago
Adam W. Fominaya, PhD – Executive & Clinical Director, Delve Psychotherapy of Chicago
Overview of Big Ideas
Forgiveness is optional, not a moral duty; it’s one possible route to relief, not the only path.
“Getting rid of negative emotions” is impossible on command; those feelings are your work, not your offender’s.
You can heal, set limits, and build a meaningful life without reconciling—or even speaking—with the person who hurt you.
Empathy, perspective-taking, and “grace” are tools you may choose if they help you; they are never owed.
Trauma recovery is less about erasing pain and more about shrinking its grip on your current choices.
Body-based practices and experiential work (like psychodrama) can move stuck emotions when language alone falls short.
Acts of forgiveness in extreme situations (like courtrooms) are often “for me, not for you”—a way to stop centering one’s life on the harm.
Breakdown of Segments
1. Two Reddit Posts and the Forgiveness Backlash
Ali and Adam start with online posts about estrangement and anti-forgiveness sentiment, unpacking why many people now bristle at the idea that they “have to” forgive.
2. What Do We Mean by Forgiveness, Really?
They tease apart understanding, empathy, grace, and reconciliation, arguing that these are distinct moves. You can adopt some and refuse others without being “bitter” or “petty.”
3. Your Feelings, Your Job
The hosts normalize anger, grief, and fear as expected responses to harm. Processing those emotions is framed as internal work that doesn’t require the offender’s participation or apology.
4. Boundaries, Estrangement, and Changing Your Mind
They explore cutting contact, staying distant, or cautiously reconnecting later. The emphasis: you are allowed to revise your stance as people (including you) change over time.
5. Trauma, the Body, and Experiential Work
Ali and Adam discuss how talk therapy, body-focused practices, and psychodrama-style group work can complement each other, giving people more ways to metabolize what happened.
6. “I Am Here to Give Everything”
The episode closes on the question of healthy self-giving—how to be generous without self-erasing, and how to stop giving when a relationship or system keeps causing harm.
AI Recommended References
Baskin, T. W., & Enright, R. D. (2004). Intervention studies on forgiveness: A meta-analysis. Journal of Counseling & Development, 82(1), 79–90.
Clark, T. L., & Davis-Gage, D. (2010). Treating trauma: Using psychodrama in groups. VISTAS Online. American Counseling Association.
Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. P. (2000). Helping clients forgive: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association.
Raj, P., Elizabeth, C. S., & Padmakumari, P. (2016). Mental health through forgiveness: Exploring the roots and benefits. Cogent Psychology, 3(1), 1153817.
